1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
