you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
