wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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