I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
