Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
