Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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