$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
