dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
