Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
