It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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