Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
