I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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