I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
