a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
