hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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