she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
