I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea