Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
