Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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