if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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