Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
