somebody snuck up and got me drunk
high people should be assigned attendants
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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