i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
