it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
