"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
