Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
