Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
