Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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