Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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