I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I forget how to act sober
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
