i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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