Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
