Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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