I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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