his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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