I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
