He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
