Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
