I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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