I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
