and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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