All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
