we have officially lost it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
