If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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