so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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