I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize