Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
