I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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