My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This couple is walking their pig around campus
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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