I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
