it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
