So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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