I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
