Jerry, you need to find god
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
