Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
