I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
