You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
