Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
