Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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