Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize