Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
