Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
