I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
