friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
