Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
