Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
