I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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