I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
