so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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