you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Boobs speak an international language.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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