can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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