i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
