Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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