Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
not ubering you a puppy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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