"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
