Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
