So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still have a little drunk in my system
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
