New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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