The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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