it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
