Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
